I’m not going to lie to you all. I don’t really have many words. I dont know where I go from here, or what I write about because everything seems so insignificant now. So my fiance left me? big deal.
If anyone has followed along with me so far you know that my 9-year-old sister passed away unexpectedly. If anyone wants to hear about my relationship with my ex and how im moving on well to be brief, he has been great since the passing of my sister, he raced over, has checked up everyday, came to the funeral and sat with me and my family, despite being scared of how they all may feel about him and didn’t let go of my hand. Of course im still hurt by what he did but he stepped up when it mattered the most and in my book… and what Ella would want… all is forgiven and we can move on now and find the path God intended for us even if that means it is not together.
Where i’ll go from here I am not sure, but I do know that I have to continue my journey of doing new things and experiencing life…but it’s not because of him anymore, it’s because of her. She is what will push me to do all the things I want to do. She is the life that will breathe into me.
Things aren’t going to be easy, things like this really shake your faith and that is going to be one of the toughest battle’s to overcome. I find myself being selfish, I need to draw the line between doing things Ella would want me to do rather than doing things I want to do. I had the excuse of be dumped and going off to do crazy things and now that’s just not the case. I can’t go out and drink all night and say well “Ella would want me to do it” because the truth is Ella would want me to save the world if I could. Ella would want me to travel, Ella would want me to go dancing with friends, Ella would want me to karaoke and sing at the top of my lungs because thats what she did, Ella would want me to deepen my faith, she would want me to move into my own place because she couldn’t wait to come have slept overs. She would want me find the joys in each day, she would want me to smile even when I don’t feel like it. Ella would want me to meet a man who makes me laugh and takes care of me, she would want me to donate money to charities or do a mission trip, she would want me to love myself as much as she loved me.
That’s the journey I will go on. It’s no longer Saying Goodbye to him, its Saying Hello to living like Ella.